When I was 8 years old me and my friends we created a group. A ‘popularity’ group. Let me tell you right now that it was and went to absolute shit. In 4th grade these two new girls joined the group and me and my best friend and them we hung out. Then in 5th grade it all started to change. This one girl was being bullied and she was being shut out and what did I do? I went a long with it. To be part of the group and because I was scared. Scared to have the same thing happen to me. Scared because I didn’t have the balls to stand up and say that it was wrong. Scared to face the consequences.
After a little while one of my friends came up to me and said that the group was talking behind my back. Not just the group but also my supposed ‘best friend’. By the 24th of December I got completely called out on Instagram. People I thought were my friends called me gay and called me weird and so much more.
Starting the next year I got kicked out of the group. I was beyond happy. I went to find new friends and those last months were the best ones. Another thing I regret? the girl that was bullied? I shut her out. I don’t know why and I can’t explain at all, but I was mad at her for some reason. After all this happened I came to a realisation.
Being part of a squad is not always fun. The friends you think you have? They are only there when you are at your best and it can make them look good too. True friends? They stick by you when you are at your worst but when you’re at your best, they’re also there.
When I was 10 and my parents were getting a divorce I had nobody. Nobody to turn to, nobody’s shoulder to cry on, nobody to talk to, nobody that would listen. So I went to therapy. For 4 years. Now you might think:”what about family?” They didn’t give a rats ass. I had to talk to complete stranger for 4 years because my mom put me up to it. Keeping my feelings in was never a good idea. That’s what she thought. As the years progressed I became better. Better at talking about it. But also when I went to middle school I got a new chance.
A new chance to make new friends, create better memories and to be myself. 7th grade: game changer. I met my best friend and made a lot of good friends. The person I am today? I am more than proud of that person. She is herself, she finally feels comfortable with herself and comfortable around her friends. It doesn’t mean that there isn’t still a lot going on, but I’m happy that it turned this way. Being myself was the right choice after all.