An entry from my journal

Things used to be easy. There were never clouds in the sky; the sun bright and glistened of hope.

Today was okay. I had my test which went good and I did my workout so I didn’t start this week too badly. I like to think I do good and although I don’t mind or expect anything in return, I do miss it. Don’t get me wrong, doing good without a reward is still rewarding. But I remain human and therefore receiving said reward would feel satisfactory too.

I went through a box of toys from my childhood today. It reminded me of the hours spent playing and not worrying what time it was, or the homework I needed to finish because there wasn’t any. There was time and space for my imagination. I could create worlds and I was in control of what happened, which is more than I can say for my actual life.

But I grew up. Suddenly there were tests and things I needed to solve. New emotions like disappointment and heartbreak. But there are a lot of things about growing up and getting older that are beautiful. Like meeting your person. Experiencing the world in a new way. And what seems to me the most important of them all, and at the same time, the most beautiful: growth.

I learn from the decisions I’ve made today and I learn from my previous entries in this wonderful little book that contains most of my memories. What I’m most grateful for is the progress I’ve made. With everything that I’ve done, I’ve become a better person. And that’s the goal right? To become better? Isn’t that why second chances were invented? Isn’t that why we continue to make mistakes?

We are meant for love, reflection, success, great things, finding yourself and believe it or not we’re also made for failure. Heartbreak and pain won’t ever completely destroy you the way you think it will. I know that. I have lived through it. And so we keep pushing, because pain is temporary. And we don’t look back on our past because we know it was necessary and we grew from that moment and it made us into the person we are today.

Before I take credit for those beautiful words, Morgan Simianer from the Netflix documentary ‘Cheer’ was first. I have to go to bed now, it’s late and I have full day ahead of me tomorrow. I’ve got more mistakes to make.