What Summer Does To Me

Summer is good for resting, traveling and re-evaluating. Every year as I get into and out of my summer vacation, I feel like it’s a fresh start. A chance for me to do things all over again and make better choices this time around. I’ve been thinking a lot about who I am, who I want to be and who I want to surround myself with. Two months is a great period of time to think about all those things. And I thought a lot.

I thought about how this year will be my last year as a high school student and I’ll be off to college next year.

I thought about the friendships I have and the ones that don’t mean anything anymore.

I thought about my photography, the podcast and my writing. I thought of all the possibilities I have and the things I still want to accomplish some day.

I thought of all the people who aren’t as fortunate as I am to travel as much as I do, to get a good education and be exposed to so many things of high quality. I am so grateful for everything that my parents have made possible and so incredibly grateful for my life. How messy it is. How crazy it is. How beautiful it is.

I’m not going to lie, summer is great but after a while, I need my routine back. I need to wake up at 7:15 and ride my bike to school. I need to sit in a chair for seven hours straight; listening to a teacher. I need to study and learn and make my homework. I honestly can’t believe that I can call myself a senior now. That is, a senior high school student of course. And I can still remember my first day as a seventh grader. Fresh out of elementary school, I was terrified.

But now, five school years later, I am about to embark on my greatest journey yet. I also happen to turn 18 in December which is even more crazy to me than anything else.

I feel ready. I know I’m ready.

Can you tell I’ve thought a lot this summer? In my last post, I talked about my summer reads. I didn’t get to all of them, just a fraction but I’m still proud of myself. Thank you to all the incredible authors, I hope to be one of you someday and to Toni Morrison, may she rest in peace.

Since the end of March, I also have written in a journal. Every. Single. Day. To say it changed me is an understatement. It is so unbelievable how big the effect has been on me and how I think about myself. I sometimes go back and read about how shitty I felt a month ago and on the same day, one month later, I feel on top of the world. It’s funny how things change so quickly. It’s scary and thrilling and so life-changing. Without realising it, days go by and suddenly we’re so much further in the year. I mean, it’s already mid August. How did eight months go by? I honestly kept the journal because I was having a really tough time around the time I started it and there was no one to talk to. Writing down what I felt in that moment, on that day, means everything to me now.

2020 is a big year for me. It’s the year I graduate; the year I go to college; the year I experience new things and let new people in. I’m absolutely terrified of what’s coming but I have time to think. A whole three months once I’ve done my exams in May. But that’s for next year’s summer.